In one of the old science fiction stories by Herbert George Wells, there is a gentleman obsessed with the idea of “losing weight” – and one day he really finds an ancient remedy, after taking which he literally becomes weightless and is forced to wear metal weights in his clothes and underwear for the rest of his days. It’s just that any obsession with your illnesses should have reasonable limits.

However, medicine does know many examples where people went to doctors, absolutely sure that they had some serious diseases, and no diagnoses, tests or explanations could actually affect them. So this collection by Bored Panda is dedicated to just such cases of patients totally faking their illnesses.

More info: Reddit

• Read More: Netizen Asks: “Doctors, What Are The Dead Giveaway Signs That Someone Is Faking?” – Gets 30 Tales

#1

My cousin got glasses. Her 7 year old little sister also wanted glasses because she thought it was so cool to wear them.

So she started telling her teachers she couldn’t read what was on the chalkboard. And she’d squint at home, and go incredibly close to the tv to watch things because she said she couldn’t see things clearly. Her parents got worried and took her to the doctor.

She read everything wrong on the vision test. Everyone seemed convinced that she needed glasses. But the doctor was a little concerned because the tests indicated she needed really thick glasses, and usually that wasn’t the case unless there was a family history of vision issues. Her parents both had 20/20 vision and her sister only had astigmatism. They all realized she was faking it.

So the doctor told her parents in front of her that she’d need some pretty intense eye surgery so she’d be able to see without glasses. They even wheeled in a machine to make it convincing to say they could do the surgery right then and there.

She freaked out, confessed to faking it all and started to cry. She got grounded for a while.

Image credits: sensitiveinfomax

#2

30y/o woman came to the ED with such “excruciating belly pain”, “paralyzed”, “oh god it hurts when you press there”, “MUST HAVE OXYCODONE NOW”. ED doc said if she can get out of the ED bed and do 20 jumping jacks, we can give her the Oxy. She did 20 jumping jacks, then got kicked out of the ED.

Image credits: confusedbarney

#3

My mom’s an ER nurse and she said once some crazy lady came in and complained hat she had the whooping cough. And whenever she coughed she followed it with a loud “woooOOOP!”.

Image credits: mnfundude70

#4

Nurse for an ophthalmologist here. Had a 21 year old new patient claiming to be completely blind from a sudden and severe glaucoma diagnosis from a previous unknown doctor. Would feel around while walking, tried to keep eyes rolled back into his head. The whole 9 yards. He said he is a famous YouTube rapper that is now unable to make videos or earn a living. I exclaimed to have heard of him before and very excitedly asked him to search and show me his YouTube channel on my phone so that I could subscribe. He took my phone out of my hand and effortlessly found the YouTube app and typed away in the search bar. Oh, and of course his eyes were back to normal and focused.

Image credits: sexyfoxx85

#5

Not a doctor but a nurse Once had a patient having a “seizure”. The other ER nurse and I *knew* she was faking it. He said as much. She suddenly “stopped” seizing (miraculously), looked straight at him and yelled “shut up fat boy”.

He and I laughed so hard. He (the other nurse) was referred to as such (fat boy) for few months after that.

At least she wasn’t having a seizure 😉

Edit: spelling & clarification.

Image credits: bionicfeetgrl

#6

My brother was an EMT for two years and he told me this:

People will try to use the ambulance as a means for transportation from Fulton to Oswego (because the hospital is in Oswego), by faking seizures. Sometimes when the head EMT guy was feeling fun and knew that the person was faking, he’d say something like “man it’s weird that he’s having seizures but not peeing himself”. Apparently the person would kind of snap out of it for a second, weigh up the repercussions, then either pee themselves or stop faking. I thought that was hilarious.

Image credits: -Stammers-

#7

Had a patient when I was an intern feigning blindness. She would constantly be playing on her smartphone, only furiously trying to hide it when someone from the care team came into her room. The best was when my attending one day strolled pst her room and threw his hand up in a highly exaggerated ‘hello’ wave. She started to throw her arm up to but caught herself half way through, then threw her hand back into her lap and pretended to be ‘staring’ off into nothing.

Image credits: SinisterlyDexterous

#8

Years ago I had a patient who had been rear-ended in an auto accident a few weeks before I saw her. She had a history of lupus. She was decked out in the usual “I’m crippled” paraphernalia (crutches, neck brace, elbow braces, wrist braces, knee braces) and could barely walk. I saw her a couple of times and she showed no improvement. One Saturday I was on call but had to take a ‘back streets’ route to the hospital because of an ‘event’ taking place on the main thoroughfare. I apparently drove through her neighborhood, because, wonders behold, there she was wearing old-lady spandex power walking down the sidewalk (holding weights in both hands). I did not call out to her.

Next week, she was back in clinic, with her “I’m crippled” getup on again. Hmmm. A few weeks later I got the subpoena for the deposition, and it all became clear.

Image credits: konqueror321

#9

Obligatory not a doctor, but I got a call from my son’s school nurse when he was in 2nd grade, and the conversation went like this:

Nurse sounding upbeat & cheerful says, “your son wants to tell you his terrible news.”

Son gets on the phone, says “Hi mom, I cut my finger off.”

I ask him, “Where is your finger now?”

Son: “I put it back on.”

I said, “Can I talk to the nurse?”

Nurse gets on the phone again, says, “Sounds serious, right?” I asked, “does he have a substitute teacher today?” Ahhhhh… yes. I told the nurse to let him know I will take him to the hospital for a shot for his finger, to which he says “I think it’s OK. I glued it on really good.”

Nurse kept him in the office for a bit to talk about scary changes in the classroom.

Image credits: cat9tail

#10

My mom was an emergency room nurse. Years ago they brought a prisoner from the local pen in who seemed to be unconscious. The guards were suspicious that he was faking it. They checked his vitals and everything seemed to be ok. The attending doctor tried poking him in the foot with something pointy, nothing. Then he got an idea, they took a rubber hose and inserted it in the back of his throat as if they were intubating him. That did the trick he sat up very quickly coughing and gagging.

Edit: Yes, sternum rub, got it.

Image credits: tomcod

#11

It’s kinda the opposite way round, but when I was little, on Christmas Day, I was sitting at the table and my stomach starting to hurt. A lot.

I was a good kid and never misbehaved but for some reason my mum thought I was exaggerating or faking so she told me to stop being silly and eat up. I couldn’t eat, I felt horrible and was in a lot of pain. My mum just would not believe me and thought I was trying to get attention.

About 5 more minutes of me crying and she realised something was wrong so called the doctor and put me on the sofa.

So, that was the Christmas I missed because my appendix had burst. I spent a couple of months in hospital due to complications with the surgery and missed both Christmas and my birthday. Apparently they had caught it just in time as it could very well had been fatal.

My family still donates what they can to the children’s wing of that hospital as that was the first of 3 times they saved my life.

Sorry it didn’t quite fit the topic, but reading some of these posts reminded me and thought I’d share. 🙂

Image credits: PastelCurlies

#12

Broke my leg five years ago. But the paramedics didn’t believe me and told me to stand up. They were very rude. I think they didn’t believe me because I only had a tiny fall, had had a bit of alcohol and it was a Saturday night. Also I was calm and not crying or showing pain (wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be)

After I was helped onto the stretcher(not by them) my leg bent in a way it shouldn’t, and they put a splint on and gave me gas and air. Couldn’t believe how rude they were. Later found out I have osteoporosis and that’s why it broke so easy.

Image credits: Ebonyrose2828

#13

Sorta along the same idea. Working at a pharmacy we saw a guy come in to try and get a refill on some pain meds that had no refill. After pleading that his ear really hurt we told him again we couldn’t refill it. One of the other employees saw his step into a side hallway and take a pencil and JAM it forcefully into his ear repeatedly, drawing blood. He calmly left and went to the ER. He came back a few hours later with a prescription for pain meds.

Image credits: i_am_thewalrus

#14

Not a doctor but a paramedic. Tons of calls to the jail for inmates with “seizures”, I lift the arm over their face and let it go they’ll move it to prevent hitting their face or I’ll lightly brush their eyelashes and they’ll twitch to it.

Image credits: m240totheface

#15

We have a guy that comes into the ER all the time faking seizures. Best actor I’ve ever seen. Sternal rub and he doesn’t flinch. Last time it was so bad he got intubated and right as they pushed the meds he stopped and said “ahhh that’s the good stuff”. Welp now we gotta tube you dude. Problem is he’s a drunk who falls a lot so he could in theory really be seizing. Biggest rule of medicine is even fakers get sick sometimes.

Image credits: cbelle4

#16

I saw a father and his son wink when I was turning to face them again when I was done writing a note to stay home from school. That’s pretty much it, “faking it” is a hard call to make in general.

Image credits: anon

#17

“If someone is truly unconscious, their thumb always wiggle”

Just say that out loud to yourself.

• You Might Also Like: Women’s Beauty Captured 100 Years Ago In Vintage Postcards From 1900-1910

Image credits: f__h